The Hound of the Baskervilles by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. Retoned by Stephen Colbert Chapter one. Mr Sherlock Holmes.
My name is Doctor Watson. I am writing this story about my friend, Mr Sherlock Holmes, the famous detective. Sherlock Holmes lives at 221 B Baker Street, in the middle of London. My story begins in Baker Street one morning in 1889, when a man knocked on the door. I heard the man say, ‘Mr Holmes? My name is Dr Mortimer. I need your help.’ ‘Come in,’ said Holmes. ‘How can I help you?’ ‘I have a strange story to tell you, Mr Holmes,’ said Dr Mortimer. ‘My story is very strange. Perhaps you will not believe me.’